Ivarius Faldine
19 March 2007 @ 01:01 pm
Work was not always easy to come by in the 1800's. I think I'm lucky I was a musician; parties were always being held, barn reels were common, bonfires on the season's fallow field always needed a fiddler. I walked an even line on that fence of employment; my hand knew both the country reels and the allegros the well-to-do wanted to hear.

It's hard to find the type of music I played back then. I asked Mao, she was my best bet (being a fellow violinist) for finding something. No surprise, she turned up this piece and the whole album as follow-up.

I sounded just like that. :)

Now to join a whole bunch of Celtic groups on last.fm in order to get more names to track down.
Mood: content
Ivarius Faldine
18 March 2007 @ 12:58 pm
A song helped me get through 2000. My entire life had been turned upside down, I was free and living with another person whom I thought very much of. I was slow in getting used to being able to go down to the shop with happy anonymity, that sweet lady behind the counter must have thought I was flirting with her. Oh no, I was flirting with that store and being able to walk to it all on my own whenever I wanted with no upturned noses or cold stares. My life underwent so many changes in that year.

Remus gave me a room with two windowed walls. At first, but just at first, I was afraid to go back to gardening. I had gardened for six years with no real break to speak of, it had categorized itself as lonely work in my mind. Homesickness found me in those first few weeks of setting up that room with the stone-tile floor and humidifiers. I set out seed trays and prayed they wouldn't regrow my loneliness into something I'd be unable to handle. One day I was sitting in there, on a stool, planting, and he brought me a radio. I had previously owned one that had needed some repairing, a small one that only worked if I kept the volume low. Now I had a new radio to play with.

As per typical me, I left it to sit there on its shelf for a full two weeks before turning it on. The dial slid and I found a blend of non-magical and magical stations alike. I wanted to try something new, my search didn't drive me to find a station for classical instrumentals. I stopped when it fixed on a station that came in well and left it. I went back to my planting.

"If I fall along the way
pick me up and dust me off
if I get too tired to make it
be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love, then
give me more than I can stand
when my smile gets old and faded
wait around I'll smile again

I heard this song four or five times before it finally occurred to me to write it down. The style was distanced from what I normally enjoy, I'm sure the lyrics imply something entirely different from the meaning I took.

"Can you help me
I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

One song helped me through all the changes I had to accept. My life was my own again, I had to work through seeing myself as something broken to something that could be fixed. I started singing along with this song when it came on in that grocery with the friendly lady behind the counter. She smiled at me and I know she thought I was mental but I was happy. My broken life was getting repaired and I wasn't doing it alone, someone was helping me.
Mood: cheerful
Ivarius Faldine
06 February 2007 @ 12:47 pm
Losing electricity changes nothing in my life. I need no sheet music to find my way over the keys of a piano. The violin knows my fingers, and I daresay my fingers know the precision it takes to play. August's shelves of braille books have not packed themselves away to await the return of power. I'm not afraid to keep the fire burning; it's not hard to find more wood if it runs low.

The electricity to the house went out. I wouldn't have known if Mike hadn't made a noise. The things I do feel are linked to my life, my affections. Someone I was once close to asked Lexi if she wanted to keep contact. She planned on making a new name on the messengers. I ache for when I knew her closely. Losing contact would be holding my hands aloft over the keys mid-stanza. It hurts, I need a resolution. I want to finish this song, know I'll never play it exactly the same way again, and go on to a new one. What was is not what is.

No matter how well I learn my way around new places with no sight, these matters remain beyond my skill.
Ivarius Faldine
18 January 2007 @ 12:36 pm
Going out yesterday morning made me aware of my sensitivity to blinking lights. I think it was the combination of the car, the speed, and the trees. The whole affair managed to expose me to bright sunlight flickering away at my face. I found myself shifting around, trying to get away from the feeling. Lexi wasn't bothered, just me. She turned the visor to the side to spare me a headache. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember involves August being furious and wanting myself, Dalamar, and Crysania out of his tower. Such an event isn't so very out-of-the-ordinary for him, he's even more reclusive than I am. Someone must have poked his shoulder; he hates it when people poke him. ;) And I should amend that. I'm not reclusive by choice. My shyness rather defeats my ability to strike up active conversation with people. August tells me I have other ways of saying what needs to be said. Hopefully he'll enlighten me on that one.

GreatestJournal has not turned up another likely roleplay that I might enjoy. My mind stuck to the idea among_us offered. I liked the idea of living amongst ordinary people and writing about day to day events in a slice of life sort of way. I think I'd like to work with a seeing eye dog and to once again play with an orchestra. Lexi's tapping away at my head because someone mentioned a possibility of that.

I've uploaded a song to Remus's Vox. It's lovely, but I keep finding myself drawn back to the Vanessa Mae videos on youtube. Here's a few of them. Read more... )
Mood: thoughtful
Ivarius Faldine
05 January 2007 @ 12:27 pm
A tortured slip of my romantic nature continues trying to crawl back to the people and life I can no longer have.

There goes the downpour
There goes my fare thee well

There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

There's so many words that we can say
Spoken upon long-distance melody
This is my hello
This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me

Vienna, by The Fray.

I have a fever.
Mood: weary